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Poetry: Feelings expressed

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Written over a period of three days this short poem is the only way to express the pain and confussion that is hiden under the masks that I wear.  Though I long to remove the masks and stop the facade it is not so easy as that.  This poem may help some to see the fight that I hold with myself daily. By: Jen, Megan, and Mely

When the cut goes deep and scares your skin; yet leaving all the pain intact within.  And your needing a way to release the pressure, but no one has anything to offer.  So you sit alone and wonder just how much longer they want you to suffer.  And so you begin to fight them looking for some small relief within; finding nothing now but pain and scars that will only come again and again.
Taken aback by a few kind words, finding  myself lost within them.  Looking for the truth behind the mask; seeking for the answers but never finding them.  Feeling alone in ever crowed room where everyone stares but none can see; I hole inside this pain and slowly it has been killing me.  The faccade is too much to take.  People trying to pretend to care, and when you need them they are never there.  They leave you when you're at your worst, cast you out, throw you down and only magnify the hurt.
Wondering lost in an empty void trying hard a way to find losing all touch with others as we seem to drift apart things are looking darker now somehow changing us within as only a child can see.  Things betray us the past is opening more each day as somehow it always finds it's way into the lives of the years forgotten only to show that it's still there the depth of time is unknown to itself while some find time is shown; still for me time is void as in the past i live.  I long to show you who I am, to become known to you but I fear the reactions that I would get as I show my true self you see no one knows the real me, they see the facade instead I so easily slip into ruitine and show off the masks I've made, but in doing that I fear that I wil always play this charade.  They say that they'll always love and that they'll always care but when push comes to shove and it's down to the wire you find that none are there.  It's then that you're lost with no one to help then that you feel so alone and so then you may wonder endlessly hoping that one day you'll find a home.  A simple place of belonging where no one minds how imperfect you are and where acceptance is known for here you find that the people are different here in your imaginary home.  This rude awakening in my mind and soul is almost too much to take.  I can't handle being so alone as my own path I must make.  It's hard to know right from wrong when there's no one to help and no one nearby.  Now I seem lost within myself knowing I must find a way back but knowing there's so much left to do insides I'm torn between the world and safety of mine inside.  It's nothing more than a fight inside as I must chose whethere to live or die.

Written the 9th, 10, and the 11th of December 2001. 
Do not use without the authors permission.