"They talked about spankings today. I wouldn't talk. I was too jealous. Some
kids said they were lucky to only get spankings. Them kids had switches used on them. I still wouldn't talk.
I wanted a spanking, or even to be switched. Why do some kids get off with so little? They must be very good kids.
Not me though. I'm a bad girl. Spankings and switches weren't punishement enough for me. When they
were still talking I lied, bad Kate.
"I lied, said I had to go potty. I didn't. Punishment will come later, but just
then the tears came. I had to hide them. No one could know of the tears. I don't want to be punished for
crying. It's my fault I hurt, I'm just too bad. All they have to ever remember are spankings and switches while
I remember leather straps beating against my back. Over and over till I bled. Bad Kate. Belts and belt buckles
"Why did I have to be so bad? Couldn't I just have been a good girl? I wish the
tears would stop. I don't want to be caught crying. I don't want to be bad. But with each memory they come.
Memories of black berry bushes pulled across me. I couldn't ever tell the truth, just that I fell into a patch by accident.
"Okay these tears need to stop. I have to be good so I can go to the party tonight.
Even though I know I can't let them see the cuts and bruises. I've done it before. But it's hard. I hate
when they go swimming, 'cause I can't do that. Last time I tried to lie and say I couldn't swim, but they knew better,
so I just say I don't feel good."
Sigh and deep breath
"My tears are gone now. Time to wash my face and go back to class. No I won't talk.
I'll be a good girl and sit there quietly. Yes I'll sit in deaf silence, maybe forever. Simple silence.
Good silence. Good Kate."